โI donโt know if Iโve learned anything yet! I did learn how to have a happy home, but I consider myself fortunate in that regard because I couldโve rolled right by it. Everybody has a superficial side and a deep side, but this culture doesnโt place much value on depth โ we donโt have shamans or soothsayers, and depth isnโt encouraged or understood. Surrounded by this shallow, glossy society we develop a shallow side, too, and we become attracted to fluff. Thatโs reflected in the fact that this culture sets up an addiction to romance based on insecurity โ the uncertainty of whether or not youโre truly united with the object of your obsession is the rush people get hooked on. Iโve seen this pattern so much in myself and my friends and some people never get off that line.
But along with developing my superficial side, I always nurtured a deeper longing, so even when I was falling into the trap of that other kind of love, I was hip to what I was doing. I recently read an article in Esquire magazine called โThe End of Sex,โ that said something that struck me as very true. It said: โIf you want endless repetition, see a lot of different people. If you want infinite variety, stay with one.โ What happens when you date is you run all your best moves and tell all your best stories โ and in a way, that routine is a method for falling in love with yourself over and over.
You canโt do that with a longtime mate because he knows all that old material. With a long relationship, things die then are rekindled, and that shared process of rebirth deepens the love. Itโs hard work, though, and a lot of people run at the first sign of trouble. Youโre with this person, and suddenly you look like an asshole to them or they look like an asshole to you โ itโs unpleasant, but if you can get through it you get closer and you learn a way of loving thatโs different from the neurotic love enshrined in movies. Itโs warmer and has more padding to it.โ
Joni Mitchell









